When you think of a celebrity ‘dream date’, the classics come up time and time again - Brad Pitt (yawn!), David Beckham (enough football already), Johnny Depp (ok, I’ll forgive you).
But where’s the fun in that kind of list? ‘Think outside the box’ people always say, so I thought I’d dig a bit deeper into that vast abyss of celebs, to highlight some of the hidden treasures who lie beneath. They may be a strange and wonderful mix (imagine this bunch around your tea table…), but there’s beauty in that methinks.
(Sir) David Attenborough
Knowledgeable, interesting, solidly British, good with wild things!
An octogenarian he may be, but don’t let that put you off. There’s just something about his dulcet tones (perhaps all those 7pm Sunday night nature programs) which sends me nicely adrift. Imagine the animal adventure stories he’d have! He gets a big thumbs up from me. A top London restaurant and fine wine for our date would be perfect.
Louis Theroux
Quirky, awkward, engaging, funny, friendly, good with people
Not that it matters, but is he good looking? I’ve wrangled with that question for many years. I’m thinking ‘not really’ but that makes him even more attractive somehow! I love his documentaries on all things weird and wonderful, so I’m imagining an extraordinary date, filled with strange human stories from across the globe. An art gallery would do nicely with Mr T. - something a bit modern and colourful.
Jimmy Carr
Moon faced, clever, naughty, sharp, what’s with his laugh though?!
Not an obvious first choice, is Jimmy. He’s got something of the cartoon about him. He’s slightly effeminate too, with that girlie laugh. But over and above that he seems like a jolly good chap, up for some fun! Clichéd though it seems, I’d jump at a date with him to the Edinburgh festival. A few double shots into the evening and we’d be having a whale of a time (and his face would look less like the moon).
Nick Park
Creative, modest, shy, patient with plasticine!
What an unassuming genius of a man. Possibly not top of most girls’ wish lists date-wise, he comes across as quiet and mousey. But the talent! From Peter Gabriel’s ‘Sledgehammer’ video, to Wallace and Gromit, Chicken Run and Creature Comforts - this man has the golden touch and I adore him for it. I could pick his brains about plasticine for hours, quite frankly. A brisk lake walk seems fitting for someone who probably doesn’t get outside much (but looks the type who’d own walking boots). Pub lunch for afters.
David Starkey
Mysterious, cultured, wonderful voice, scrubs up nicely
For sure I’m not his cup of tea, but the man could take me out for lunch any day of the week. I’d have to insist he enlightened me about Henry VIII’s life and works, just so I could listen to his fantastically pronounced vocabulary and marvel over his impressive tailoring. I get the impression he’s a minx behind closed doors too, which I love! Yes, Mr Starkey, lunch and a history lesson would do me nicely (…and I say don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).
Tim Minchin
Elfin, mischievous, messy, musically gifted, amazing blue eyes (are those contacts?)
Most friends think I’m a bit bonkers with this one, but the man’s not only a musical master, he’s a bit of a hotty if you like freaky-looking ginger fellas! He’s cleverer than he looks too - quite the intellectual behind all that back-combing. I’d give some kind of music festival a go with the Minch. He’d probably burst into a spontaneous song at some point. Quite like that.
John McEnroe
Cheeky, sparky, strong-willed, animated, better with age
I disliked him as a tennis player, but as a commentator - now with age, wisdom and a better hairstyle behind him - he shines in my view. Again, not an obvious choice, but he’s got a natural charm which would be captivating on a date. Maybe he could give me a tennis lesson. Bring it on John - then we’ll go for drinks.
Stephen Merchant
Quick-witted, likeable, lanky, bespectacled
Usually hidden in the shadow of Ricky Gervais, Stephen is a real hidden gem. Unfeasibly tall and ‘different’ looking, he’s a chap who you wouldn’t miss in a crowd, that’s for sure. He’s incredibly funny in my view and what’s more, we went to the same university (at the same time, I now realise), so he’s got to be a good egg. So talented too - acting, writing, directing - what a dish! A good movie, loads of popcorn, followed by a long chinwag over a latte would do me nicely with Mr. Merchant.
Rolf Harris
Artistic, chuckly, warm, Glastonbury favourite!
Can you believe we have another octogenarian on our hands? He looks good on it! Another all-rounder, he’s been singing, composing, presenting and, of course, painting on our screens for years. A bit of an institution really. Not necessarily a ‘looker’ (even in his day) and he’s not the natty dresser some girls insist on, but to me his arty dishevelled nature is attractive and I think he’d be a real gentleman to date, with a good sense of fun. Tea and cake methinks with Rolf.
Krishnan Guru-Murthy
Nicely dressed, focused, confident, chubby-cheeked
You’ve got to hand it to him, Krishnan is a great news presenter. With a degree in philosophy, politics and economics from Oxford, he’s one of those guys who has probably always been ‘going places’ in life. Like Mr Starkey, he always looks smart too. Best of all, you can tell he likes his pies (…but then has a guilt trip and hits the gym). His fluctuating waistline makes him human, and for that he gets my vote. Fancy fish and chips and a beach walk, Krish?
The next time you’re compiling the date list of your dreams, spare these chaps a thought. What they may lack in immediate good looks, they by far make up for in intellect, charm, talent and all round intrigue. What’s more, the voice of Sir David, or plasticine skills of Mr. Park could keep many a girl captivated all evening - beat that Mr. Beckham!
