This list was harder to compile than it looks. There was me thinking I could reel off dozens of famous chaps I’d turn down date-wise, but actually, I’d give most a fighting chance! Indeed, some of the below I do actually have a soft spot for.

But that’s not what this specific list is about. This list is about the actual reality of sitting opposite any one of the guys below at dinner. I’m really there, in an actual restaurant, chomping on expensive hors d’œuvre in their company and suddenly reality strikes. When I started to think about it, these fellas came most readily to mind as those I would try to avoid dating. Call me picky but they all have quirks which would make dating tricky, uncomfortable or best to forget all together!

1. Noel Fielding (the staring problem)

I have a bit of a thing for Mr F. - his style, his humour, but namely his face. And therein lies the problem. A date with Noel would invariably involve me staring at him. Not staring as in love-struck puppy. Just down right ‘looking’ at him. I’d be sitting there all evening trying to work out if he was maddeningly handsome or actually just a bit strange looking. Staring’s pretty rude, so let’s nip this one in the bud. Forgive me Noel.

2. Gordon Ramsay (the ‘I’m a chef’ problem)

Dating any chef must be hard, if you like going out to eat. Dating a famous (and famously loud) chef must be really tricky. I actually like Gordon, but I’ll pass on dating him. I imagine he’d have lots to say about the food, staff, cutlery, toilets and napkins of any restaurant, so it would turn into an exam of an evening, rather than a romantic night out. Next.

3. Jeremy Paxman (the ‘Paxoed’ problem)

Politicians fear him, so what chance would I have, fancy restaurant or not? I’m sure he’d be on his best behaviour, but I doubt Mr. Paxman would be able to resist a touch of interrogation and argument-winning over starter, main, dessert and coffee. The fear of being Paxoed becomes all too real when you stop and actually think about it. Perhaps I’m being unkind, but it’s a ‘no’ from me.

4. Russell Brand (the grime problem)

He’s just a bit dirty - in both senses of the word - isn’t he? I’ll pass.

5. Stephen Fry (the intelligence problem)

Oh my goodness what a gem of a man. I’ve often daydreamed (as many people have, I reckon) about a dinner date with Stephen. I imagine his conversation, stories and little nuggets of useless information would be amazing. But, and this is a big but - the sheer intelligence of the man would undoubtedly render me a quivering mess. What anecdotes and charming reminiscences would I come up with? Would I pass the port in the correct direction? When reality bites, I would probably turn down a date with Mr. Fry out of fear of looking inane and uneducated.

6. Jude Law (the vanity problem)

I get the impression dating Jude Law would be hard for most females. He strikes me as vain and self-congratulating. Sitting with him at dinner, I would expect to see him eyeing up other women in the restaurant and checking his hair in the cutlery. No thanks.

7. Derren Brown (the mind control problem)

I do rather fancy Derren. I know he wouldn’t be in to me, but a girl can look can’t she? He’s a bit minxy in my opinion and in my dreams he’d figure as a hot dating candidate. But then there’s that little insy-tinsy mind control issue. I can find myself saying ‘but Derren, I could have sworn I ordered the swordfish?’ and him replying with a wry smile. And why stop there? Who knows what this devilish chap could do to you over a crème brulee! Fantasy’s one thing, but the thought of being hypnotised by a bearded showman (however attractive) leaves me uneasy. Derren, my apologies.

8. Lee Evans (the sweat problem)

Hyperactive, sweaty and too much like Norman Wisdom. The poor chap doesn’t stand a chance. I like to relax over food and enjoy conversation. A date with Lee would feel a bit like a race I reckon. I’m not entirely sure how funny I find him either, so the jury’s well and truly out on this one. Best be on the safe side and decline.

9. David Beckham (the voice problem)

I’m guessing few women on the planet would turn down a date with this man? If push came to shove, I would be tempted. He looks good and does seem like quite a nice guy when all said and done. But, like many before me, I have an issue when he opens his mouth. Bless him, it’s not his fault, but I can’t be doing with listening to his voice all evening. Sorry Becks.

10. Daniel Craig (the ‘dull as dishwater’ problem)

Is it me or is Mr. Craig boring? I’m quite gutted about it. On screen he’s been in some great films, and who can complain about his 007 swimming trunks? But I’ve seen him in interview a fair few times and he comes across as though he’s had a humour bypass. Fair enough he’s probably quite private, but I like a date to be sparky and engaging and I don’t think he’s up to the mark. Bond, it’s a no from me.

So, that’s my list and I’m pretty happy with it. Needless to say, this article’s whole premise rests on the ten chaps above actually wanting a date with me in the first place (…which I could then politely decline of course), but that’s just devil in the detail. Suffice to say I’d be washing my hair if any of these guys suggested dinner. Interflora flowers would be fine though.