First dates are pretty scary things on the whole. Not only do you have the irrepressible nervousness of spending the evening with a stranger, but you have the initial trauma of choosing what to wear! ‘Dress to impress’ we always hear, but what does that mean exactly? And, more importantly, what does that not mean?!

For the boys, the prospect of a smooch at the end of an evening - despite their hours of wit, charm and intelligent conversation - can be won or lost by the threads they turn up in. So, here’s my Trinny-Susannah-esque list below of what not to wear on that first date, in no particular order:

Hats

They are not big, clever or anything else, quite frankly. On a first date a hat is too much of a statement (invariably not a good statement) and few men can wear a hat really well. Unless it’s minus five outside and you can pull off woolly hat attractiveness, leave all head gear at home boys.

Fat or ‘whacky design’ ties

Now don’t get me wrong, ties per se aren’t upsetting, only certain breeds of them. Fat knotted ties say ‘estate agent’ and ‘stockbroker-type’. Ties sporting colourful tweety pie designs say ‘IT geek’ and ‘loser’. In my book, neither of these prospects is exciting. Ties should be dignified if they’re coming out to play on a first date!

T-shirts

I’ve had a big debate with one of my best friends about this one. I say no to a t-shirt clad lad on a first date, but my friend thinks otherwise. She’s adamant that there are some stylish and sexy t-shirts out there for men, just perfect for hot-date attire. As she’s not here right now, I win! If a chap turned up wearing a t-shirt, personally I’d be disappointed. Besides, a shirt’s not hard, is it?

Puffer jackets

I have to confess, I have a deep seated dislike for jackets of the puffy variety, so they had to figure on this list, especially silver or gold shiny ones. Ew.

Slip on shoes (especially grey ones)

Lace-up shoes trump slip-ons any day of the week. Slip ons are a bit ‘wide boy’ somehow. And grey slip-ons? Show me the door.

Cardigans

When’s the last time (in your life) you saw a man looking hot, sexy or even merely passable in a cardigan? Boys, proceed with caution towards knitwear in general, but please adopt swift avoidance tactics with anything cardigan-shaped. Not a good look.

White socks

Oh my god, no no no!

Ill-fitting trousers

We’re talking too high or too low here. Too high and the obvious Simon Cowell comparisons come into play. Moreover there’s something about a trouser worn too high which is a bit freakish, suggesting strange behind-closed-doors type behaviour. On the flipside, too low a trouser and you get the underpants on show. However freshly washed, it’s not a turn on.

Chunky belts

Talking of low-slung trousers, big belts are a definite no-no. You know the type - chunky, tasteless, a bit heavy-metal roadie. Even more sinful, anything attached to a belt (namely a mobile phone). It’s just showing off, in a really sad kind of way.

Too much jewellery or hair product

Men can get away with a simple ring, and at a push, a nice necklace (maybe made of manly leather). Anything more and it starts to be a bit distracting on a first date. Too many rings are a real turn off. Lots of bangles and necklaces (unless he’s an unusually attractive hippy) likewise. Too much hair product is also a no-no. Wet look (greasy, essentially) equals no nooky!

So there you have it, a definitive fashion no-no checklist for the boys. If you’re male and planning a first date, avoidance of the above is advisable if you want to give yourself a fighting chance. No slip ups (or indeed slip-ons); don’t let those hats or cardigans sneak in at the last minute. Just keep your trousers at the right height and you’re bound to win her over.