A first date is a rite of passage in any person’s love life. Most of us will have them several times throughout our lifetime, meeting tens, perhaps nearing hundreds of potential ’suitors’. There is, however, one fundamental difference when having a first date with someone you met online: you already know a lot about them.
Unlike a blind date, or a date arranged in person, the first date with an online acquaintance usually comes after some discussion. You’ve most likely been talking to this person through emails, instant messenger, Skype or texts and have built your own personal relationship with them so far. Taking this from online to in person is the next natural step to take, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying!
With today’s technology you can try and bridge the gap between faceless emails and meeting face to face. Sharing photos and having video chats is a great way to get used to what to expect when you do finally meet. After all (as much as we might deny it), looks, charisma and mannerisms make up a large part of who we are and the impression we make.
The Elephant in the Room
It’s something that’s likely to come up at some point, and discussion should start long before the date actually arrives. If the other person hasn’t brought the subject up yet then introduce it gently, maybe by asking if they’ve seen a new film that’s just come out in the cinema, and if not then ‘maybe we could see it together?’. Don’t feel let down if they don’t take to the idea straight away. Everyone is different and they might just need more time spent talking before meeting up. The good thing about this situation is that the ball is in their court – don’t press the idea or you’ll put them off, just relax and wait for them to say ‘okay, let’s meet’.
Another advantage to online dating is that you’ve plenty of opportunity to discuss meeting. A lot of people have to do this during a fleeting phone call, through text messages or even having the destination, time and date decided for them. Take the opportunity to tell the other person what you really love to do in the evening, and come to an informed decision. Why go for the standard cinema date when you both prefer live music? Be careful when you decide the destination though, and remember that we humans can get territorial just like animals. If you haven’t got a zoology degree don’t worry, all we’re trying to say is that you need to meet in a place that’s mutually passive. Don’t choose your favourite bar, because you’ll know everyone there and he or she won’t. There’s nothing more awkward than having to introduce a first date to all your friends, and they’ll feel awkward too.
The Week Before
So here goes. You’ve set the date, the time, the place and now you’ve got an entire week to wait until the big day. Now is your time to prepare, organize your outfit and make sure you know how to get to where you’re going to meet. When the day finally arrives the last thing you’ll want to be doing is panicking about what shoes to wear. At the top of your priority list should be telling a friend or family member where you’re going to be. Even if you feel you know your date inside out, people can be nasty and we’ve all heard stories of people being attacked by people they’ve met online. Unfortunately those stories are true, so stay safe and keep your mobile phone on. Send a text to your friend when you leave saying something like ‘going out for my date, I’ll let you know how it goes when I’m home tonight’, so that they’re expecting another text later.
The Date and Follow-Up
How you handle the actual date really depends upon you. It’s a good idea to look back over your instant messenger log the day before your date and note down any private jokes you share. That way if there are uncomfortable silences on the date you can break the ice. Also, don’t get too excited when it goes well and suggest that you carry on the date longer than it was originally intended. That’s what second dates are for! Tell them how great a time you’ve had if you really enjoyed it, and that you’d love to see them again really soon. Try not to analyse their response too much; some people prefer to have a cool down period before they decide when and where to go on a second date.
Our final advice is to leave it at least a couple of hours before you go back online and start chatting to them again. Don’t be frightened to give them some feedback on how the night went, but keep coy and most of all just relax! After all, who wants to hear a blow by blow account of an evening they were there for?
