Breaking up is hard to do. It’s even harder when the person being dumped is you. Sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise and you move on pretty quickly but there are times where it’s not so much fun and it’s not easy.

Always rooms at the Heartbreak Hotel.

So what do you do? You could read a Dr Phil book and be all Zen and remain friends with your ex (and his perky new girlfriend) or you could be human and wallow in a little self pity, lots of tequila and poke him and his perky new girlfriend in the eye (theoretically of course).

There are a few things you can do though, to make the transition an easy one.

Ice cream and chocolate and sweets and doughnuts and pretty much any other food that is processed, contains obscene amounts of fat and sugar and will make you feel awful tomorrow morning. In the moment, though, they do the trick. They comfort you. Bag after bag of chips and spoon after spoon of chocolate chip ice cream you feel the pain disappearing. The hurt lessens and all you are left with is intense heartburn and the need to throw up. All that aside gorging on junk food remains one of the best ways to get over someone.

It won’t fix things, but it can help.

Alcohol. Pretty much the same effect as the junk food but it leads to the next point that will help you. There is nothing like someone to help you get over someone. Sober you probably aren’t even interested at looking around but throw a few tequilas back and Ed the Goth punk rocker who has green hair and purple to nails is suddenly Brad Pit – naked. A meaningless, random alcohol induced snog really is the best way to forget about someone. While you are so caught up in the excitement of Goth boy and his purple toenails you won’t give Heartbreak boy a second thought! There really is nothing tequila and a kiss can not fix.

Then there is revenge. That saying “hell hath no fury” is so popular for a reason. It is true. Intensely true. I have never really been one for revenge. Well I have thought about it but have never actually gone through with it. By the time I have figure out what to do I am over the whole thing. But there are a few things you can do, should you feel so inclined. You could sign him up on a gay porn site with his work email address. Or walk up to him while he is with his perky girlfriend and hand him a pair of his under pants and say “you left these at my place LAST NIGHT!” and then walk off. You just have to be careful you don’t do anything that’s a criminal offence or that can be traced back to you. It really just isn’t worth it!

Without sounding like an Oprah wannabe though, the best revenge is happiness. Being happy without someone is your revenge. But it has to be a genuine happiness. Not that “I will show him I can get a man” kind of happiness. It has to be real. You have to let it go. Move on and be happy. With or without someone else. That is the best gift you can give yourself and has none of the effects of alcohol or ice cream.