You’ve met her and she’s agreed to go out with you. What now? You want to make a great impression, of course. You want to avoid making any mistakes. So what are the things a guy should avoid on a first date?
You want to make a good impression, don’t you?
First: Do NOT be late. Not even fashionably so. If you need to get your car tuned up or checked out, do so well ahead of the date (although, if you’re dating the environmentally-conscious type, using public transportation to reduce your carbon footprint might impress her even more!) Make the reservations, if needed, several days in advance. Call to check them the day before or the day of the date. Call her to verify the time, and where you’ll pick her up. Try to arrive about 5 minutes before that time. If you have to park down the street and wait, that’s fine. You just don’t want to be skidding around the corner to her house or apartment ten minutes after you agreed to meet her. You may have to wait for her, but she should never have to wait for you.
Don’t be late!
Second: Don’t come on too strong. It’s a first date – relax! The purpose of this date is to get to know each other a little bit better and decide if both of you want to continue dating. Talking about your plans for a house in the suburbs with 2.5 children is NOT what she’s envisioning for dinner conversation. Back off. Ask about her. Where does she work? What does she do? Does she like what she does for a living? Keep going from there. You’ll get a much better idea of the real person you’re dating by letting her talk. Chime in where you can, but if you don’t know something, don’t pretend you do. Most women are expert at spotting a phoney, so don’t fall into the trap of being one. A man who sounds like he wants to corral a woman is probably going to make her run in the opposite direction.
Don’t come on too strong!
Third: Don’t talk about yourself all evening long. Yes, she probably (or should) want to learn about you, too. But don’t monopolize the conversation. All women have been on dates with guys who think they’re number one – to the exclusion of everyone else. Don’t be that guy. Surely you have some shared interests in common. Music, outdoor activities, favourite kinds of food or wine are all pretty safe subjects to talk about on a first date, and subjects that you can usually find some common ground on. Do you like to cook? Find out what types of meals she enjoys. Or just see what she orders if you’re eating out on this date. What books has she read lately? What movies has she seen – or wants to see? (Finding out this information can also give you a head start on Date Number Two, if it comes to that). If the conversation lags, be ready with an interesting question: who in the world would she most like to meet, and why? If she won a million pounds, what would she do with it? Questions like these will keep the night interesting, and you’ll find out a lot more substance about your date, rather than ‘fluff’. Be humble about yourself – remember, you don’t know much about her yet. You could go on making up stuff about quantum physics only to find out that she really IS a rocket scientist!
Me, me, me, me!
Fourth: Don’t go over the top to try and impress her. Just be yourself. Don’t rent a Maserati to pick her up, or take her to a restaurant that you really can’t afford. Yes, spending a bit more than usual may be warranted – going completely over the top isn’t. The cost will weigh on your mind all night, especially if the date doesn’t turn out to be everything you had hoped. You won’t be able to focus your attention on her, and she will notice. If she wants to see you again, you now have a much smaller bank account and she has falsely high expectations about what that second date is going to be like. You can probably see that this type of thing can’t go on forever. It’s very much like a Ponzi scheme [US fraudulent investment scheme] that at some point must all come falling down. Be on your best behaviour, show her a good time, but don’t pretend to be someone or something you’re not.
Don’t turn up in one of these unless you really mean it
Fifth: Shut off your cell phone! Unless your grandmother is in the hospital awaiting a heart transplant, turn your phone off. You will NOT impress her with your importance by constantly being interrupted, and then to top it off, allowing the interruptions to continue. Cell phones used to be a status symbol – now they’ve turned into something of an annoyance. Having a cell phone does not make you a big shot, and you are likely not a tycoon waiting for that next big stock tip. So do your dating future a favour and focus your attention on her. After all, she’s the reason for your date. Isn’t she?
This is so rude!
Sixth and last: Don’t talk about ANY woman – but especially one of your exes – in a derogatory manner. This is a red flag for a woman. In fact, even when you’re not dating, try to avoid speaking ill of the other sex. You and your date don’t have a history yet. Keep it that way. She doesn’t want to hear about your past conquests, or the woman that done you wrong. She’s looking to the future. Also, one of those annoying traits that you describe in your ex or another woman could be one that she has – you just don’t know it yet. But she does. Not a good way to get a second date! Keep any mention of your prior dating history generic, as in “we dated for about six months and then decided to go our separate ways.” If the relationship goes further, you may each decide to reveal more, but baring your entire dating history in one night is more than an information dump, it’s Too Much Information.
So, I said to my ex-girlfriend….
By using good manners and observing the above rules, you’ll have a better chance of dating her again – and who knows where it could go from there?
