So you have been seeing each other for a few months, maybe even a year. Things are going well. You have met his friends, his parents and all is shiny and bright in couple land.

Then the discussion happens about moving in together.

Prepare for battle.

Should be a pretty simple thing to do right? Pack your boxes and move on in.

But it’s not really that simple.

Firstly – who moves? Do you give up your place or does he? Or do you move into a new place together?

Yours or mine?

Secondly – giving up your space is a big dam deal! It is not only sacrificing physical space but also sacrificing your own personal space. You are giving up cupboard space but also any chance of being “alone”. You can’t escape back to your place or have a quiet night in on your own any more.  You can’t leave the dishes in the sink of his place and slink back to your neat and tidy flat. You can’t escape his friends on poker night and find solitude in your room.

It is, from the moment the first box is packed, no longer yours but ours.

Now I understand that is the point of a relationship. That is why you have religiously read all our tips and articles on how to bag the boy and keep him. I am not saying don’t do it at all. All I am saying is that it is not as simple as “let’s move in together”.

It makes you happy - sometimes

Next to lets get married, it is probably the most defining moment in a relationship. It is acknowledgement that you are willing to sacrifice a part of your life (your space) for another person. It is also an acknowledgement of commitment to that person.

It is especially a big deal if he asks you to move in with him. Men aren’t overly keen to give up their space. They don’t willingly give up their bachelor pads. So if he asks you, then realise the commitment he is making to you. He is giving up a lot more than just his side of the bed. He is giving up his bachelor status. And for that he may need a little extra nookie!

If you ask him, then be prepared for him to hesitate. He may not but there is a chance he may. Not because he doesn’t care for you. Not because he isn’t committed to the relationship but because it is a significant step in a relationship. Unless of course he lives with this mother. In that case, he may have already had his bags packed ready for the move.

Not really Star Trek, is it?