Breakups happen. People grow apart, choose separate paths or find new adventures to take. The reasons may not make sense to everyone around, but the break-up still happens. The issue may arise that you have developed a friendship with both parties. Finding the line between being supportive and being an agitator can be tough on the best days.
Being Supportive
Becoming an Agitator
Encouragement builds up the people around you. Discouragement promotes negative thoughts and emotions. The foundation of discouragement lies in condemnation. There will never be a right or wrong answer in a break-up. There will be multiple sides – the point of view provided by each individual on any given day, the point of view from those outside the relationship and the point of view of those that knew both parties well.
Trying to make one person feel right or justified gives rise to those negative emotions. That moment becomes the instance where you cross from supporting your friends in a break-up to being an agitator in their current relationship – however fragile that relationship may be.
Taking Sides
The break-up happens between two people; those that were involved in the relationship together. Choosing to take the side of one person over the other may mean having to let go of any friendship that might have existed on the other side.
There may be other repercussions to choosing sides that you did not expect. Other friends that choose different sides may be forced to sever ties as well. The one break-up could ultimately lead to the breaking of multiple friendships.
The Best Line When Friends Break-Up
Emotions make break-ups difficult for everyone around and not just for those that are involved in the actual break-up. The best line of defense when it comes to those emotions is choosing to not let them drive decisions. Understand that someone or some ones may not be happy about the break-up. Accept that emotion and then think and focus on the future.
Decide from the beginning to listen to your grandmother: “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes the fewer words you speak the less trouble you cause for those in the break-up and for yourself as well.
Being supportive of your friends does not mean you have to agree with their own emotions, words or actions. It only means that you have to be beside them during their moment of need.
A supportive friend that listens and encourages will be more beneficial than one that simply chooses sides. Find words and actions that can lift up those that are dealing with a break-up and you will discover that emotions heal much faster.
