Easy Find a Date Blog

Ten Things You Can Do To Impress a Date

Kirstie Newell — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:36:55 +0000

We all like to make a good impression on a date, especially a first date with someone. It’s often the little things which later stick in the mind about a person - their manners, their nicely polished shoes, their aftershave.

So when it comes to being a memorable date (in a good way), here are some tips on what small things can make a big difference. And in the spirit of equality, let’s have 5 for the chaps and 5 for the ladies…

Chaps - how to impress those ladies…

1. Be courteous

Nothing impresses me (and lots of ladies) more than a chap who is naturally well mannered. When I say ‘naturally’, I mean someone who means it! The guys who opens a door for you, takes your coat, is thoughtful to others…. It’s just nice to date a guy who has been well brought up and isn’t afraid to be a gentleman.

2. Be interesting in conversation

A good way to impress a lady is to have many strings to your bow when it comes to topics of conversation. At the risk of sounding borderline sexist here, I’m thinking most women wouldn’t be impressed by a date who rattles on all night about sports, IT, computer games and the like. So make sure you liven up the chat by being a good all-rounder.

3. Be an ‘arranger’

Whilst it sounds a no-brainer, men who plan and organise a date are well on their way to impressing a girl already. A guy who has ideas for where to go and what to do on a date, and then plans it all - purchases tickets, books the restaurant - is a winner.

4. Be the guy who remembered

I’m always impressed by someone who makes that special effort to a) listen, b) remember what you’ve said and then c) follow it up, sometimes weeks later, by a thoughtful gesture. So my advice to the fellas out there - aside from ‘listen, lots’ - is to try to say, do, or arrange something small which shows you’ve really understood your date, even if it’s something silly, like buying her a tube of Jelly Tots because she mentioned she liked them. 
5. Be great on the dance floor!

Watch Strictly Come Dancing, pay for lessons, whatever it takes, just know how to move when the music starts. Being able to keep in time to the music (lots can’t) and move those hips will bring a big smile to your date’s face. And you know the score - dance like your dad and it’s goodnight Charlie.

Ladies - how to make a great impression on the lads…

1. Be funny

I reckon a lot of girls worry about what they’re wearing on a date, and the whole appearance thing is uppermost in their minds. But fret not! Whilst looking nice is of course, nice - you shouldn’t overlook the effect a great sense of humour can have on a guy. He’s far more likely to be bowled over by your wittiness than the brand of your shoes. Jokes and anecdotes will win him over, just you see.

2. Be adventurous

Guys like girls who aren’t afraid of letting their hair down and getting dirty. And before you start thinking ‘bedroom games’, I was meaning more ‘paintball’. Try not to put your life in danger, but be up for doing more than sitting all night sipping coyly on a margarita. Get out there and work up a bit of a sweat (…or should that be ‘glow’?). You may not be the GI Jane type, but rest assured they’ll be impressed that you’re willing to give quad-biking a go!

3. Be complimentary about his appearance

Now this one’s based on the premise that your date has actually made a decent effort and turned himself out nicely for you; tell him he looks (or smells) nice. Nothing like a bit of an ego boost to please a chap, and why not? Impress him by noticing that he’s made such an effort for you. Then he should keep up the good work in future.

4. Be sexy-clever

A good way to impress a guy is to have a finely balanced mix of intellect and mystique all rolled into one. Impress him with your knowledge of, say, music or art on one hand, but temper than with a minxy bit of flirty too. Men like women with brains and charm, so make sure you give him both on your date.

5. Be good at pool!

Would most men be impressed by a chick who knew how to handle a pool cue?! I think so! Girls - don’t win every game though, give your date a chance.

You can make an impact on your date in so many ways, but try some of the above as a starter for ten (well, five) and see how far you get. I’d wager one, or a combo of them, will work a treat in the ‘impress you date’ stakes (…just take care with the quad-biking).

What Makes a Good Date Venue?

Kirstie Newell — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 19:38:44 +0000

When deciding where to go on a date, many people simply think ‘pub’, ‘cinema’, ‘restaurant’ - and fair play to them. But how many of us really stop to think about the detail? By detail I mean the actual characteristics of the venue we’ve chosen - the atmosphere, the fixtures and fittings, the toilets - and not just ‘they do great garlic dough balls’?

Call me old fashioned, but I think there’s a lot to be said for considering the whole experience of your chosen date destination. A bit of heartfelt research beforehand is even better.

Here are just a few notes for your tick list. Consider these in advance to ensure your date is suitably impressed with your choice (and you)…

Lighting

Bright or shadowy: there’s the dilemma. Bright lights and white walls are okay in the Tate Modern, but nothing beats a bit of romantic candlelight over evening drinks or supper. And what’s the lighting going to do for you? Soft lights can hide a multitude of sins, so use them to your advantage! Having a bad hair or skin day? Candles all the way!

Cleanliness

You don’t have to be Kim or Aggie to know a grimy venue when you see one. There’s nothing like sticky floors, ripped seats and chewing gum to send your date packing, pronto. An ‘authentic’ old pub may indeed have a certain charm, but if it would fail a level-one hygiene inspection, I’m suggesting it may not be the right choice.

Mirrors
 Mirrors can be a controversial one. On one hand they help to enlarge and brighten a venue, which can be ideal on a summer’s day for lunch when you want a light airy atmosphere. On the downside, they can be distracting - you (or your date) might not be able to help checking out the next tables, or checking your hair, with a strategically placed mirror - and that can be annoying.

Familiarity

Knowing a (good) venue well is a big plus. If you’re taking your date to your favourite restaurant, for example, it’s nice to be able to show them where to go and introduce the waiter - it gets the date off on the right course and adds a few brownie points to your tally before you’ve even sat down.

Décor / Objets d’art

Never forget the impact an interesting venue can have on your date. Unusual bars and restaurants (often off the beaten track) can be hidden little gems. You know the ones - with amazing wallpaper or interesting sculptures about the place. An intriguing interior is a fantastic talking point and makes you instantly more relaxed, as you can have a good look around without resembling a stalker. Sumptuous curtains, nice quality door handles - it all counts!

Seating

If you’re going out to sit down (meal, theatre, pub, cinema) how comfy are the seats? Whatever age you are, a comfy seat makes all the difference on a date - it helps you and your date relax and feel more at ease. Sitty-up-straight schoolroom furniture has the opposite effect! Moreover, does your chosen seating allow smooching? If you have the opportunity to include some kind of soft, snugly sofa in your venue, I’d say it’s a good thing.

Good toilets

Please do your research about the loos. Unless you’re taking your date to Glastonbury all weekend, there’s no excuse for choosing a venue with toilets from the dark ages. Lavs should be clean, clean, clean. Girls, in particular, see toilets as a safe haven on a date - somewhere where they can retreat to check for spinach in their teeth, apply more lippy and text their best mate. They want to do all this in a sweet-smelling, luxurious setting - not a dingy back room cubicle with no lights and enough germs to kill a small child. Guys, never underestimate the impact Molton Brown handwash and John Lewis hand towels has on a gal. The best toilets I’ve ever used were in Singapore’s Raffles Hotel (get me!). Head-to-toe marble, classical music to pee to, the works. That was almost 10 years ago and the memory lives on.

As checklists go, this isn’t the most glamorous; but if it makes the difference on just one date out there, I’ll feel my work is done.

Double Dating - Can it Be Successful?

Kirstie Newell — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 18:33:04 +0000

As with most things, there are more ways than one to view a double date. For a start, it depends on the configuration of the four of you - you might know all or none of the other three people on the date (…and as the occasion progresses, you might like all or none of them!).

On the plus side, a double date can potentially offer a more relaxed date scenario - ‘mates on a date’ type stuff. On the negative side, it means you don’t get your date all to yourself.

So before embarking on one, consider the pros and cons of a double date.

THE PROS

The ’silent moments’ factor

I’ve been on quite a few double dates and in my mind, they can really help take the pressure off the four of you, especially when conversation might have dried up otherwise. There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone and just running out of things to say; at least on a double date, there’s safety in numbers as far as chit chat’s concerned and you’re far more likely to keep the evening flowing with four people telling jokes and anecdotes.

The ‘boost your ego’ factor

Double dating with your best mate can have its advantages. Who better to enlighten your date with flattering remarks about you? You could even prep each other before the date with all the things you want to talk about on the night (what loyal mates you are, your hilarious college days…) and all the things that are banned from discussion (…that drunken night in Turkey).

The ‘rescue’ factor

If you’re going on a double date with at least one person you know, you can rest in the comfort of having someone to save you should things go wrong. Be it if you’re dying in conversation over dinner, or literally in the toilet trying to escape from your date, having a friendly ally on board is never a bad thing. They can rescue you out of that poor taste joke, make excuses why you’ve had to leave (’sorry, it’s his radish allergy again’) and generally cover your back through the evening. Of course it works both ways though - so be prepared to be the wingman for your friend.

The ‘information’ factor

A great way to eek out information about your date, is to go on a double date with them and their friends. What were they like at school? What are their bad habits? Are they embarrassing when they’re drunk? Get digging!

The ‘laugh’ factor

If you get it right and everybody’s happy, double dates can be great! This is especially the case with four people who know each other well, of course - adding two more friends to an occasion just makes it more of a laugh and less of a ‘date’ all round. And that’s the gem of a double date - it can help make the ‘date’ feel undatelike, which is actually quite an advantage when you just want to have some fun.

THE CONS

The ’snog’ factor
 Possibly the biggest drawback of a double date is that you don’t get your own date to yourself - and when you fancy the pants off them, this is a real disadvantage! You might have to sit there all evening, making polite conversation to the other daters and keeping your hands to yourself, when all you want to do is snog your date’s face off in some dark and seedy corner somewhere. Of course, the sexual tension this causes may actually be a thrill.

The ‘they’re getting on and we’re not’ factor

This could be tricky. The people you’re with are all laughs and touchy feely with each other and you two are daggers! Not ideal. Moreover, you may have to endure the other couple’s choice of film or restaurant which may not be your cup of tea and sends the whole evening into freefall in general. That’s the risk you take on a double date; the event can be taken out of your hands and it may not always work out the way you would have planned it.

The ‘cross-fancying’ factor

Have you ever slightly fancied your friend’s date? I reckon double dates can really bring this out in people! Everyone’s trying to put on a good show and be a bit jokey and flirty - and before you know it, you’ve got designs on the person sitting opposite you, rather than the one who’s got their arm around you! Alternatively, you might find your friend’s date being overly friendly towards you. Love triangles, love squares - whatever you’re brewing, it’ll end in tears!

The ‘fromage’ factor

Are double dates just a bit cheesy? I’m not sure. Are they a way of opting out of being all grown up and going on a proper, serious date with just one person? Perhaps. Some might see double dates as a bit of a cop out and a bit of a cheesy cop out at that; the jury’s out.

On balance, I’d say double dates are a good thing. In the main they provide a good way of having a fun time out with your date, with less of the pressures of a one-on-one date scenario. Steer clear of double-dating on your very first date though, just in case you want to get snogging.

Top 10 Male Celebrities (You Wouldn’t Think Of) To Date

Kirstie Newell — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 21:24:30 +0000

When you think of a celebrity ‘dream date’, the classics come up time and time again - Brad Pitt (yawn!), David Beckham (enough football already), Johnny Depp (ok, I’ll forgive you).

But where’s the fun in that kind of list? ‘Think outside the box’ people always say, so I thought I’d dig a bit deeper into that vast abyss of celebs, to highlight some of the hidden treasures who lie beneath. They may be a strange and wonderful mix (imagine this bunch around your tea table…), but there’s beauty in that methinks.

(Sir) David Attenborough

Knowledgeable, interesting, solidly British, good with wild things!

An octogenarian he may be, but don’t let that put you off. There’s just something about his dulcet tones (perhaps all those 7pm Sunday night nature programs) which sends me nicely adrift. Imagine the animal adventure stories he’d have! He gets a big thumbs up from me. A top London restaurant and fine wine for our date would be perfect.

Louis Theroux

Quirky, awkward, engaging, funny, friendly, good with people

Not that it matters, but is he good looking? I’ve wrangled with that question for many years. I’m thinking ‘not really’ but that makes him even more attractive somehow! I love his documentaries on all things weird and wonderful, so I’m imagining an extraordinary date, filled with strange human stories from across the globe. An art gallery would do nicely with Mr T. - something a bit modern and colourful.

Jimmy Carr

Moon faced, clever, naughty, sharp, what’s with his laugh though?!

Not an obvious first choice, is Jimmy. He’s got something of the cartoon about him. He’s slightly effeminate too, with that girlie laugh. But over and above that he seems like a jolly good chap, up for some fun! Clichéd though it seems, I’d jump at a date with him to the Edinburgh festival. A few double shots into the evening and we’d be having a whale of a time (and his face would look less like the moon).

Nick Park

Creative, modest, shy, patient with plasticine!

What an unassuming genius of a man. Possibly not top of most girls’ wish lists date-wise, he comes across as quiet and mousey. But the talent! From Peter Gabriel’s ‘Sledgehammer’ video, to Wallace and Gromit, Chicken Run and Creature Comforts - this man has the golden touch and I adore him for it. I could pick his brains about plasticine for hours, quite frankly. A brisk lake walk seems fitting for someone who probably doesn’t get outside much (but looks the type who’d own walking boots). Pub lunch for afters.

David Starkey

Mysterious, cultured, wonderful voice, scrubs up nicely

For sure I’m not his cup of tea, but the man could take me out for lunch any day of the week. I’d have to insist he enlightened me about Henry VIII’s life and works, just so I could listen to his fantastically pronounced vocabulary and marvel over his impressive tailoring. I get the impression he’s a minx behind closed doors too, which I love! Yes, Mr Starkey, lunch and a history lesson would do me nicely (…and I say don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).

Tim Minchin

Elfin, mischievous, messy, musically gifted, amazing blue eyes (are those contacts?)

Most friends think I’m a bit bonkers with this one, but the man’s not only a musical master, he’s a bit of a hotty if you like freaky-looking ginger fellas! He’s cleverer than he looks too - quite the intellectual behind all that back-combing. I’d give some kind of music festival a go with the Minch. He’d probably burst into a spontaneous song at some point. Quite like that.

John McEnroe

Cheeky, sparky, strong-willed, animated, better with age

I disliked him as a tennis player, but as a commentator - now with age, wisdom and a better hairstyle behind him - he shines in my view. Again, not an obvious choice, but he’s got a natural charm which would be captivating on a date. Maybe he could give me a tennis lesson. Bring it on John - then we’ll go for drinks.

Stephen Merchant

Quick-witted, likeable, lanky, bespectacled

Usually hidden in the shadow of Ricky Gervais, Stephen is a real hidden gem. Unfeasibly tall and ‘different’ looking, he’s a chap who you wouldn’t miss in a crowd, that’s for sure. He’s incredibly funny in my view and what’s more, we went to the same university (at the same time, I now realise), so he’s got to be a good egg. So talented too - acting, writing, directing - what a dish! A good movie, loads of popcorn, followed by a long chinwag over a latte would do me nicely with Mr. Merchant.

Rolf Harris

Artistic, chuckly, warm, Glastonbury favourite!

Can you believe we have another octogenarian on our hands? He looks good on it! Another all-rounder, he’s been singing, composing, presenting and, of course, painting on our screens for years. A bit of an institution really. Not necessarily a ‘looker’ (even in his day) and he’s not the natty dresser some girls insist on, but to me his arty dishevelled nature is attractive and I think he’d be a real gentleman to date, with a good sense of fun. Tea and cake methinks with Rolf.

Krishnan Guru-Murthy

Nicely dressed, focused, confident, chubby-cheeked

You’ve got to hand it to him, Krishnan is a great news presenter. With a degree in philosophy, politics and economics from Oxford, he’s one of those guys who has probably always been ‘going places’ in life. Like Mr Starkey, he always looks smart too. Best of all, you can tell he likes his pies (…but then has a guilt trip and hits the gym). His fluctuating waistline makes him human, and for that he gets my vote. Fancy fish and chips and a beach walk, Krish?

The next time you’re compiling the date list of your dreams, spare these chaps a thought. What they may lack in immediate good looks, they by far make up for in intellect, charm, talent and all round intrigue. What’s more, the voice of Sir David, or plasticine skills of Mr. Park could keep many a girl captivated all evening - beat that Mr. Beckham!

Online Dating Stigma

editor — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 17:36:11 +0000

Almost all of us have thought about it, most of us have done it, but how many of us have considered online dating and though ‘urgh, no!’? Probably quite a few, which is a shame, considering just how many couples find each other online and stay together for better for worse, for richer for poorer etc.

Luckily, it seems that over the past 10, even 5 years, the stigma attached to online dating has waned. Now that our beloved Web 2.0 is here we can do almost anything online (apart from avoid photos of cats) and there’s more optimism towards socializing via the Internet. But then we come up against the problem of it becoming all too accessible to the wrong people. On some websites there are girls pretending to be women, and men pretending to be boys, and this is exactly where the problem lies. Online dating is getting confused with chat rooms, where identities are truly anonymous, and anything can be said or done.

If you’re considering joining online dating then please take note - you need to find a reputable dating website. There are plenty around that have a vast majority of decent, honest people, and we’re pretty thankful for that when we think of the number of couples that would never have found each other had it not been for their good old computer. You should do some research into the Internet’s favourite dating sites, get recommendations from friends and read reviews. You don’t necessarily need to go for the ones that charge a monthly membership fee either, as there are some great dating networks that make money through surveys and PPC advertising instead.

Statistically, the numbers of people who meet via dating websites has never stopped increasing since the concept was first born. Chances are you’ll know a couple who met somewhere online, whether it was a forum for their mutually favourite band, or a website dedicated to matching people together.

What we’re trying to get across is that if you’ve thought about online dating, and you feel you’d like to try it then don’t let something like stigma hold you back. We won’t lie, you’ll still come across some losers and probably the odd weirdo online, but isn’t that what the block button is for? With today’s Skype and video calling technologies you can see people in real-time, right in front of you for proof that they’re not liars, so there’s no need to shy away. With that said, you should always shy away from Chatroulette…

Everyone Talks About the First Date, But What Should You Do On a Second Date?

Kirstie Newell — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 22:42:43 +0000

It’s true we all put a lot of emphasis on ‘the first date’. Meeting someone for the first time can be fun, daunting, scary or all three of the above! I’m thinking most first dates probably happen over a drink; for the more adventurous, maybe food.

There, you’ve met each other – the big hurdle is over – so what next?

The second date may be even harder than the first in some ways. You’ve now got more expectations of the other person, having got to know them a little – and if you’ve decided you like them, well, you’ll be wanting to impress!

So, where to Jeeves?

Here are my top choices for a second date…

A walk in the park

It’s not corny, it’s good for you! Plus, it’s romantic – so there! All you cynics out there may be scoffing, but in my book you can’t beat a traditional walk together in a nice park, especially if there’s a nice lake and some kind of tea room involvement. Okay, so you don’t need to walk hand in hand quite yet. Just a nice gentle stroll allows you to natter casually about all sorts of things (particularly families and childhood – parks have that affect on people). If conversation ever dries up, there should be no end of interesting ducks and dogs to turn your attention to. And quite frankly, the promise of a fat jam scone at the end of your stomp should keep the interest going for a good few hours.

An art gallery

I’ve always found art galleries good places to go on dates. They are the ideal venues to learn what your date likes and dislikes taste-wise. I’d recommend the National Portrait Gallery as it has a good mix of interesting and fun art – not too highbrow to frighten the other person off. Or how about trying a small local gallery. Discussions about art can sometimes get heated, but they’re worth it. And what better way to get to know someone?

Lunch

You may have ventured down the food route on date one, but if you didn’t, a nice lunch meeting for date two is perfect. Choose somewhere relaxed, so the atmosphere is good for chatting. Lunches are particularly nice in the summer, if you can sit outside (…even better, outside by water or a nice view). Compared with dinner, you don’t have to fret so much about what to wear. In fact, lunch gives you both the opportunity to check out the other person’s smart/casual wardrobe, which can sometimes be surprising!

Tour bus

Cheesy perhaps, but a good laugh. I love doing the whole tour bus thang! They are a great way to see a town or city and if you know the area, it gives you a chance to impress your date with some fascinating historical facts, which is never a bad thing. And quite honestly, if you can’t get conversation between you flowing on a double-decker bus, surrounded by brightly dressed tourists, then you should have stayed at home.

A trip to the seaside

And why not? The seaside brings out the child in people, which can be sweet and entertaining, or faintly embarrassing. By your second date, it’s time to find out what type of ‘child’ you’re investing your time in, so good luck with this! Best to find out early on whether they are a) the spontaneous type, who loves to run carefree into a freezing sea, followed by fish ‘n’ chips on the beach, b) an arcade games addict or c) a bit grumpy at the whole idea of deckchairs and sweet rock. It may end up being a steep learning curve, but worth doing methinks.

And finally…

I thought it best to mention what not to do on date one, two (or even three). Swimming. I still have flashbacks about a double date I went on years ago. For some random and frankly shocking reason, we all agreed to go swimming at a local leisure centre, and this was date two for me. The stress levels involved with swimming costumes, podgy bits and goosebumpy skin still haunt me now! Steer clear!

Top 10 Fashion No-Nos for Women on a First Date

Kirstie Newell — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 01:05:06 +0000

Firstly, I confess, I’m no fashion icon myself. My wardrobe isn’t exactly at the cutting edge of design. In fact, I can hear that much-loved phrase ‘darling, you’re not on trend’ hurled squarely in my direction before I’ve even set foot out the door.

However, I feel I can still have a good stab at some date attire avoidance suggestions. There are just some items that should remain neatly tucked at the back of any girl’s wardrobe, especially when considering what to wear on a first date.

1. Strapless tops/boob tubes

Has the term ‘boob tube’ actually been uttered since 1985? Maybe not, but you take my point. Strapless tops, or ‘tubes for boobs’, are not a good choice for a first date. The amount of constant fiddling required to keep them up just isn’t worth it! Besides, whether flat or ample chested, they never really work in my humble opinion, as you can get a bit ‘low slung’ or ‘ironing board’, can’t you?

2. Shiny 6-inch heels

God bless high heels. I have one friend who was born wearing them I reckon and full respect to her! But I would say it’s best not to go too high-heely on a first date, for two main reasons; 1. you don’t want to tower above your date in some teetering stance, with the risk of treading on his toes with your killer bond girl spikes and 2. you don’t want to end up in A&E with a broken nose.

3. Snoods

This is getting a bit retro, but remember these? I must confess I had one and they weren’t pretty were they? Unless you’re actually aiming for the Lithuanian peasant girl look (and heaven knows, it may be ‘on trend’ next season), avoid.

4. Ra-ra or puff-ball skirts

I was thinking, why not go the whole hog and dredge up these for my list, especially as 80’s fashion does seem to be in at the moment. Thankfully these haven’t figured on the high street again to my knowledge (yet…), but there’s nothing like an advance word of warning. No date will want you turning up with some odd-shaped skirt on - which either rustles about too much (ra-ra), or doesn’t move at all and just makes your bum look enormous (puff ball) - fact!

5. (Colourful) bra straps on show

From no straps at all, to too much strap on show - what’s a girl to do Gok, eh? I suggest you keep your bra straps under control on a first date. Don’t have them on show, especially if they are skin-coloured (unsexy), red (minxy), or green (alternative!). Leave your undies to his imagination (….at least until you’ve got time to purchase some decent stuff!).

6. White clothes in general

Yes, white outfits might spell ’summer’, ‘cool’ and ‘fresh’, but to me they say ‘I can see your knickers’ and ‘potential red wine/salsa emergency’. I’m a big advocate of wearing black or dark colours on a first date, just to avoid any ‘food or drink down your front’-related embarrassment. It happens!

7. Vintage outfits

I admire people who can pull off the whole vintage thing and I do actually like vintage clothing, but I think it could be quite intimidating or perplexing to sit opposite a date who is dressed head to toe in some 50s creation. I guess the odd jacket or skirt might be passable, but save the full beehive for a later date!

8. Shorts

Even if you have great legs, shorts and first dates just don’t seem good bed fellows somehow. You either exude sportiness (which may scare some chaps off) or, if you wear them with tights, say, look a bit of a hippy with a mix ‘n’ match wardrobe problem. Tight fitting shorts or baggy, leave them at home!

9. Knitted dresses or skirts

I had a knitted suit once, in green. A jacket and skirt. I thought I was the bees knees in it until one of my best friends made me see sense. We were clearing out my wardrobe and she picked it up and simply said ‘no’; a moment which sticks in my mind to this day. Avoid having to share in the mistakes I’ve made. Say no to knitwear of the dress/skirt variety.

10. Tartan/dotty/silly tights

Patterned tights in general are a ‘no’ - and on a first date, a definite ‘don’t be silly’. Most guys would not get that you were trying to make a real fashion statement with them, or trying to reflect your ‘cheeky’ or ‘creative’ side. They’d probably just be wondering what on earth you were planning to wear for date two (with some trepidation).

Fashion tips from the unfashionable! Girls, I propose that you steer a wide path away from the above, at least for your first date. Save the delights of your wardrobe for subsequent meetings; and pop that knitted skirt firmly in the ‘charity’ pile.

Dating: Should you play by ‘The Rules?’

Gemma Tomlinson — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 16:57:35 +0000

Dating is a battlefield at the best of times - it can be hard enough meeting someone new that doesn’t have a secret troll collection - but the real difficulties come once you’ve met the potential ‘one’. You want them to know you’re interested, but you don’t want to appear desperate, you want to call, but maybe they should call you first? You feel lost, slightly panicked, and your hormones are out of control. Enter ‘The Rules’.

There are a million different books on the subject of dating, all with their own set of commandments. Granted, some of the rules are mere common sense and can work, but most of them time we spend our time deciding between conflicting sets of rules which not only results in confusion, but completely crazy behaviour that makes you appear more impatient than aloof.

I think its high time to put some of the top dating ‘rules’ on trial in the court of common sense.

1. Be unavailable

This is one rule I have never understood. If I can’t reach someone I really want to speak to I get annoyed, not turned on. I’ll maybe call them a few times and if they are constantly ‘busy’ or they don’t pick up, I don’t go shopping for engagement rings and timeshares in Boca, I just stop calling. The original idea with this one was obviously ‘don’t look desperate’ but does going to the other extreme make you seem less crazy? No! Be sensible, people - if they ask you on a date and you want to go, say yes! Don’t turn it down because you want to seem busy and popular when in reality you’d spend the night watching The Hills with your best friends Ben & Jerry.

2. Always leave them wanting more

This is so bizarre its almost amusing. The rules would have you think that if a date is going well, you should make an excuse and hotfoot it out of there early to leave your companion craving more of your company. The idea being that he or she will be so wild with desire to spend more time with you that they call you immediately to arrange another rendezvous. The reality? They will either just think you are rude or that they did something wrong to make you flee. Again, it’s common sense: if you’re having a good time on a date, show the other person that by staying present throughout its entirety.

3. The man has to pay

This is a tough one, and everyone has a different opinion. I’m not a raging feminist, but I find this one both insulting to the woman and also slightly unfair for the man. Women will happily complain that they sometimes get treated differently, that they earn less than a man for doing the same job, that they are not treated as equals. Then they go out to dinner and expect the other person to pay simply because of their gender. I’m not saying that its wrong for a man to pay, if that works for both of you, thats fine, but I suppose its the double standard of a lot of women that kind of irks me. You can’t have it both ways. Personally, I think its nice that a guy might offer to pay, but I always want to pay half. You have to tread lightly with this one, because some men really do feel offended if a woman doesn’t accept their offer, so this is one to call based on the situation you find yourself in. If you have mutually decided to go for a meal together then in my opinion women should at least offer to pay half. If the other person has asked you to go somewhere with them as their date and you otherwise wouldn’t have gone, then sometimes they might feel more comfortable paying. Use your judgement.

I could sit here all day going through the thousands of ‘rules’ we have invented for ourselves when it comes to dating, but I would not only spend years doing it, I’d also have no time to go on dates myself. The bottom line, as with most things in life, is common sense. The ability to see through the haze of hormones and excitement surrounding you when you meet someone new is the one ‘trick’ that will really serve you well when it comes to successful dating. The only rule you should listen to? Use your own judgement.

Making Sense of Body Language on a Date

Kirstie Newell — Thu, 27 May 2010 18:03:25 +0000

Body language experts make me laugh. Let’s face it, they’re paid good money to speculate (usually at length) about the positions, poses and weird bodily gestures we all make, which apparently have deep and interesting meanings.

Rather like art critics, I’m thinking these experts are paid to find hidden meanings where perhaps none lie, and nowhere is body language quite as potent as in a date situation.

I like to think of myself as open minded, so when it comes to body language on a date, I think it’s best to look at things from all sides, for different meanings behind boy and girl behaviours. The nose rubs, the sitting positions, the lip licking; here’s my alternative view on what those pesky experts say.

Sitting with legs crossed or together (closed stance)

Experts would have us believe that someone who sits with their legs crossed is giving off guarded signals and literally protecting their genitals. Call me picky, but perhaps your date’s trousers are just a tad on the tight side, or perhaps they seriously need to fart. Adopting this position might just as easily be a coping mechanism in that awkward date scenario. I’m also thinking girls often sit crossed legged to minimise the size of their thighs! In contrast, sitting in an open stance (legs apart) apparently means someone is open, comfortable, and dare we say, sexually relaxed. This is perhaps a good sign on a date, but not if you’re the shy type.

Hair twiddling

Hair twiddling, we’re told, is a flirtatious body signal, particlaurly when a female does it (I’ve never seen a bloke try, personally). But couldn’t a girl just be trying to draw attention to the £55 hairdo she’s just had done for the date? Or could she not be bored or tired? Maybe she’s just given up smoking, so simply needs something to occupy that hand? My money’s on tired, so watch out for those surreptitious yawns, boys.

Licking lips/looking at other persons lips

Licking your lips and looking at your date’s lips are classic seductive body signals apparently. We’re lead to believe that a woman drawing attention to her lips by licking or wearing lippy is actually trying to make them reflect the look of her reddened aroused genitals (thanks for that). The poor girl might just be licking her lips as a result of the kettle chips you’ve brought her from the bar. And were her genitals really on her mind when she purchased that new lipstick in Boots the day before your date? Don’t forget, if someone is looking at your lips on a date, it may well mean they want to kiss you. Alternatively you may have a nasty cold sore or something in your teeth. Be warned!

Hand over mouth and/or rubbing nose

This is an interesting one. Apparently someone with their hand over their mouth, or who rubs their nose, is showing deceit. Taken by experts to the extreme, they suggest the person is actually telling a lie if they show these signals. They even go as far as to say that lying can make the nerve endings in the nose tingle, hence the need for a nose rub. Daters beware! But, before you go running for the door, could your date not simply have halitosis or an innocently itchy nose? Fair play with the swift exit if it’s the former.

Arms crossed

Crossed arms apparently display defensiveness and even hostility. This position can literally be taken as an attempt to hide from an unfavourable situation. Not a great start as you sit down for your prawn cocktail. Looked at another way though, perhaps you date has bitten nails - it’s not a good look and crossed arms is a great way to conceal them. Or maybe the mid-winter rendezvous in that charming country pub (where they have no heating) simply means your date is a tad on the chilly side, temperature-wise. At the other end of the spectrum, perhaps it’s simply a scorcher of a day and your date has sweaty pits. Nice.

I may not be a practising body language expert, but I think I’ve given it a fair crack of the whip. I hope I’m forgiven for slating body language gurus and art critics, but I like to call a spade a spade. When I see a painting of a tree, I can lose interest in the art critic’s rantings about its ‘phallic symbolism’ - I’m more on side with the artist who sits quietly in the corner saying ‘no, really, it’s just a tree’.

Anyway, when you’re next in a date situation, forget those Freudian genital-related worries about the position someone’s sitting in and just remember there is usually more than one way to view the ‘language’ of your date’s body - arms folded or open, legs crossed or otherwise. Failing that, just order a large glass of merlot and enjoy yourself.