I wouldn’t confess to being the world’s expert on dating, but I have had my fair share of dates (good, bad and ugly) in my time. From tattooed indie boys, to dreadlocked hippies, right through to upstanding public school boys, I like to think I’ve experienced life’s rich tapestry of totty.

You can walk 500miles for a good date

The date. That classic meeting of two nervous people for the first time. Terror, excitement and a dollop of self-doubt all rolled into one. What should you wear? How will you break the ice? What did he look like again?!

As someone who has had some clanger dates in her time, I’ve compiled some top tips for ladies out there who might like a rough guide to dating, in the hope you might avoid a few of the bum dates I had…

1. Date by association
Ok, so call me old fashioned, but I’ve always thought it’s a good idea to make sure your date knows at least one person you know. Even a vague association is better than nothing in my book. I know it’s not always possible, but to have a friend connection is worth its weight in gold. It’s not a seal of approval or guarantee of success, oh no, but it’s just a little comfort blanket at the back of your mind when you’re sitting facing a chap for the first time.

Even if you see them in a picture, find out who they are

2. Background research
Having a friend association may provide the perfect opportunity to do some ‘research’ (‘digging’) prior to your date. Corner the person who knows the guy and get an overall impression (not his blood group – leave some surprises!) of what he’s into. Cricket or heavy metal fan, or both?! Let’s face it, you can start to create a bit of a mental picture from what you learn (rightly or wrongly) and forewarned is forearmed as they say. If you discover he’s some weirdo freak with strange bathroom habits, should you get out now?

Do some research on them!

3. Choose a good venue
Perhaps an obvious thing to say, but a good tip none-the-less. For a first date I think it’s good for you choose where you meet. This is primarily for the comfort zone, the ‘coolness’ factor if you like – ie it’s easier to keep your cool in familiar surroundings and if you know the bar staff it’s a ‘cool’ point to you without even trying! And, of course, knowing the most direct route to the toilets (and exit) is always a bonus.

Don’t try this pub, if you’ve never been there

4. Wear dark colours
This is a classic one for me, mainly because I like red wine. Picture the scene; boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy already has drink so girl goes to the bar, girl orders a large merlot and proceeds to spill a good measure down her front, black top and trousers save the day, boy none the wiser. Genius. This works equally well with snack items, I’m talking doritos and salsa dip…you get the idea.

There’s a reason they’re all wearing black!

5. Leave food for your second date
Talking of food, leave it out when you’re meeting someone for the first time, that’s my advice. I mean the sit down menu kind of affair. You can probably get away with pub grub at a push, by why risk the spinach in teeth scenario?

Especially if you eat like this!

6. Cover lots of ground when chatting
Without sounding like a psycho, ask your date lots of questions about his hobbies, his friends, family, holidays, the works. Go on, don’t be afraid! Importantly though, and this is a biggy for me, make sure you give him lots of time to ask questions of you. It’s amazing how many guys I’ve dated who asked nothing about me during our whole date. Alarm bells. Finally, be honest and don’t pretend to like what they like if you don’t. It’s an easy trap to fall into, but if he likes Robot Wars, leave that to him and change the subject.

Ask lots and lots and lots of questions. Like Jim!

7. Have a (polite) emergency opt out clause
I used this myself and had it used on me during a date. Mine consisted of a trip to the toilet to call an ex to pick me up early from a date which was going downhill fast! During a date I had, the chap had an ‘emergency’ phone call from a work colleague, to check if he was surviving my company or needed rescuing! Nothing wrong with a little back up plan, just be subtle and not cruel about it.

Plan for something going wrong!

8. Buy some drinks
Girls should by half the drinks on a first date. It’s just good manners. End of.

Come on! It’s the year 2009!

9. Spot potential
Now I know this sounds silly, but do give the chap (however Neanderthal) a chance. Everyone has something interesting about them and it’s often not until you delve a bit that you discover a diamond in the rough. Don’t get me wrong, if he’s rude and obnoxious from the offset and there’s really no hope, refer to point 7.

Don’t let the t-shirt put you off…

10. Don’t jump to conclusions on your way home!
I made this mistake once – I assumed that the hot chap I’d just spent 4 hours with (the same red wine boy as it happens…) was clearly not interested in having a girlfriend and would be running to the hills as I took my taxi home. How wrong I was, as he’s now my husband! Conversely, I’ve been on a date where I thought the chap was genuinely interested. But then, nil, nought, nothing. All I’d say is that surprises, as well as upsets, do happen - but don’t let that put you off. Get dating!

Stay away from this board!