We’ve all done it – put our foot in our mouth.  It’s so easy to get into a conversation and say so much more than you were planning.  A little information can be a good thing.  A lot can be overload.  When heading for that all-important first date, it pays to be a little more cautious than usual.  If you feel one of the following phrases coming on, close your mouth, press your lips together, and just smile beautifully.

If you can put your foot in your mouth, you’d get alot of dates

1. “My mum says. . . .” or any version thereof.  In fact, unless you’re still living with her, you probably shouldn’t mention her at all – and if you ARE living with her, avoid any mention of her like the plague.  The first date is all about you two.  If you hit it off and decide to continue the relationship, he’ll have plenty of time to meet your relatives.  On a first date, though, steer clear of Mum, Dad, and most of your siblings.  Yes, family is important, but bringing them along on your date, even virtually, is not a good thing.

Mention her at your peril!

2. “I want  . . . “ This makes you sound either whiny or possessive.  “I want to be an actress” or “I want that promotion by the end of the year” or something along those lines means you want it handed to you on a silver platter.  Not willing to do the work?  Then how much work will he think you’re willing to put into this relationship?  If you must mention your goals, put your hard work alongside them.  “I’m taking acting classes and volunteering at the Civic Theatre to improve my craft before I audition for Porgy and Bess” is a much better approach.

You can tell the whine, can’t you?

3. “I’m kind of still seeing someone.”  Yikes!  First, you’re not “kind of” anything.  You’re either still seeing him or you’re not.  Break up with Guy Number One before dating Guy Number Two – even for a first date.  This phrase will tell him that you’re either easy or dishonest, neither of which is probably what you’re aiming for.

Wow - actually he’s more attractive than you

4. “I got so drunk (or plastered or. . . .you get the idea).”  Not only should you paste your lips together if you feel this one coming on, but keep them plastered together if drinks are offered.  Too much alcohol and a man you don’t know are a bad, bad combination.  Keep your wits about you for the first date, and the second one isn’t a bad idea, either.

And I was so drunk, I didn’t know he wasn’t breathing!

5. “It looks like you’ve been dieting.”  Okay, so maybe his clothes don’t fit perfectly.  Maybe he could stand to lose a few pounds.  Men avoid talking about a woman’s weight (or they should), and you should do the same.  If you really must know, you can mention any physical activities you enjoy, move into talk about what gym or exercise routine you have, and hope he volunteers something.  If not, just smile beautifully.

Have you lost weight?

6. “My broker said XYZ stock is the next hot thing.”  Actually, he’s hoping you are the next hot thing.  Talking about finances is like taking a cold shower for most men.  And if he works in finance, he probably won’t appreciate having to talk work over supper with you.  Leave the financial discussions for later in the relationship. Yes, money’s important, but not all the time or in every situation.  This is one of the times when it’s not that important.

Sorry. This is too boring a topic to write something

7. “And then my boss told Emily. . . .”  There are several things wrong with any variation on this phrase.  First, you’re gossiping.  If you’ll gossip about the people at work, you’ll gossip about him.  It’s doubtful he’ll appreciate that.  Second, he doesn’t even know the people you’re talking about, so he doesn’t care about them.  He’s trying desperately to date you, so slow down, listen to what he’s saying, and carry your part of the conversation with things the two of you have in common.

Keep the office gossip at the office!

8. “Gordon who? Is that like Gin and Tonic?”  While politics is not generally a good subject for a first date conversation, neither is complete ignorance of what’s going on in the world around you.  Before you head out for your date, read at least the first page of the newspaper.  If the conversation lags, you can pull something out of your hat with what you’ve read earlier.  The road construction on the A 217 or a recipe you read about that you want to try makes much better discussion.

Would be more exciting if he was a drink!

9. “I’m looking for a long-term relationship.”  Substitute “serious” or “intense” or whatever other strong phrase you want, but it’ll still tell him you’re either desperate or easy.  This is a first date.  Let it stay that way.  Dream about the future all you want – just don’t let it pass your lips for now.  Jumping from tonight’s special to a house with toys in the yard is an awful big leap for most men.  Don’t step off that cliff.

This is YOUR future!

10. “I don’t like sex.”  Believe it or not, some women announce this on a first date.  Never a good move.  First off, he (hopefully) hasn’t asked yet.  Second, this is probably way more information than he needs, and it’s almost a sure bet that he DOES like sex.  Besides, you don’t know enough about him yet to even get an idea of how things might go with him.  Reserve judgment for later – for now, just enjoy the evening and spend your time discovering your similarities.  You may find that making a statement like this on a first date makes it a last date.

I’ll call you!

This is not an all-inclusive list, of course.  Religion, politics and illnesses or diseases, including that little rash under your armpit that you just can’t get rid of, should be considered off-limits during a first date.  That sounds like common sense, but often isn’t. Keep the topics light and safe on a first date.  Enjoy the moment, and if it goes well for both of you, then you can dip your toes a little deeper into the conversational waters for a second or third date.