It happens to the best of us. We meet a cute guy. He is interested. He says all the right things. Does everything right.
He is what we have been waiting for. But then for some reason we turn into bunny boilers in training. We freak out and do unexplainable things. Our intentions are good but our actions are, at times, certifiable.
Don’t doodle this on your first date, ever!
So take note of this list, stick it up somewhere so that when you start ticking off things below you know its time to ask for an intervention.
• You start calling him every hour for nonsense. Unless he is waiting for the results of serious life threatening disease there is no need for you to be calling him this often. If something does happen that he feels you need to know I am sure he will let you know and seriously he doesn’t care what you are eating for lunch or how many sugar you put you in your coffee. Leave the man alone.
But I’ve only called him 8 times this morning!!
• Getting your mom/sister/best friend to start calling him is a sure fire way to send him running (screaming) for the hills. Nothing is more off putting than a third party calling to ask how things are going in your relationship. It is none of their business and if the channels of communication is not open between the two of you for you to ask him, well then odds are you sister/best friend are making a move and you opened the door for them.
So what are your intentions towards Janice?
• Buying him stuff is really cool. Once in a while. Spending your entire salary on new clothes/curtains/cologne/soccer tickets is just freaky and a tad psycho. He has his own money. Gifts are great and appreciated but not when dished out daily.
Don’t clean out the Apple store for him
• Do not start leaving clothes at his place unless he blatantly says it and ideally you need to get it on email or something concrete. If you don’t have that do not empty a shelf for your stuff. If you want him to re-locate then leave your stuff at his place. He may even enter a witness re-location programme.
If this is the first night you stay - he’ll run!
• Asking for a key and leaving your clothes get the same results. Why do you need a key? The point of going to his place is to be with him, if he isn’t there then why do you want to be there. Do not ask for a key. Do not hint for a key. Do not say your best friend has a key. Wait for him to offer. If he doesn’t well then so be it. I honestly do not understand the need for a key as all it means is that you have a second home to clean.
Keys? A pointy subject!
• Hire chick flicks for movie night with a definite marriage theme. If the man loves you he will ask you to marry him. Possible not on date 3 though. So take a step back with the blatant subtle messages.
This guy managed 34mins of Family Stone
• There are guys who find tattoos hot. It’s a fact. Having his name tattooed down your back is not so hot. In fact its positively insane. It’s a definite sign you are a little psychological unstable. And don’t be surprised if he disappears pretty quickly after that.
Just don’t do it you nut job!
• Guys like sex. They like it a lot. But they don’t like too much, too often. They also have limits and if you push that limit and they can not perform they will pull back. Its nice to initiate and be able to tell them what you want. But just make sure he can keep up and wants to. If he feels you are threatening his manhood he will delete your number and send your clothes back.
He’s actually dead
• Utter those 3 words – I LOVE YOU. Before the YOU has even been formed in your mouth, I bet a years worth of chocolate he is running down the street screaming. He will keep running, rivaling only Forest Gump. There is nothing wrong with sharing your love for each other. Despite the countless movies stating otherwise, love does not happen over night. It is not an instant reaction. So yes someone has to say it first and it can be you. Just not as you kiss goodnight after the first date. Save it for at least date 4.
This might not be the right moment!
• Then, the last one, is a combination of things. We all know we do it. We aren’t proud of it but it happens. It is the crazy in all of us. Things like googling him and then talking about the stuff you found out. Going through his Facebook friends and trying to figure out the connection he has to every girl and then making sarky comments about the comment she made on his wall. Accidentally leaving the gate open so his faithful dog accidentally runs outside – leaving a spot on the couch next to him.
I can track his every move!
Next time you are tempted to anyone of these things, go and get in an ice cold shower and sanity shall be restored and your relationship will live to see another day!
